you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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