True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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