my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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