1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
