At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
