I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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