I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
