I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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