forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
