So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
