So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
