You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
