It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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