Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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