I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
