Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
