My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize