I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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