i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Found your dick twin last night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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