Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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