Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
