You can't special order awesome
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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