You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
