The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
