take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
