just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He felt like a one man threesome
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
