dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
