I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
