Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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