I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
