Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
