i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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