so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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