Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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