im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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