We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
