3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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