First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
