You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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