you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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