Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
