drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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