My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
A bitchslap is in order.
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