Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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