He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
