just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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