Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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