he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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