some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
