How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize