You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
