Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
