i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Alive.
So much puke
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
