I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize