i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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