Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
