dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
