I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
