i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
