That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
