I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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