Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You can't just leave with hair like that
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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