I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
