6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
