Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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