If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
