I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize