Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
