Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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