I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just had sex on a roof
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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