I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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