he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
