We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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