oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
