but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize